I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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