What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
