Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.

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(512): View more from Texas

Can Purell be used as lube?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?

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(303): View more from Colorado

who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.

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(801): View more from Utah

He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today

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(425): View more from Washington

oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture

(1-425): View more from Washington

this is why i will never break up with you

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