I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
