just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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