Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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