my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
