maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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