I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
