took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Still dying that you shit outside
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
