Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
