hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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