i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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