I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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