You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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