Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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