I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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