Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
