she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
