Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
