Your tits are I can't wait for
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
