my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
