After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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