I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
