My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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