There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
