I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
