like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
