at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize