Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
