hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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