honey bunches of taint.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
