My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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