We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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