hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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