Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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