I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
