last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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