i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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