So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
