i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
