I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
