we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
