for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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