Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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