it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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