I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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