is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
