The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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