the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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