I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
