When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
