Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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