No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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