then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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