24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
