A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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