she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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