dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
