I have demons in me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
