I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I AM VODKA MAN
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
