I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
