I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
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Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
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Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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