He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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