Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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