I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
