it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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