I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
