I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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