i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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