He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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