please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
