Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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