Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
