She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
