It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
