what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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