Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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