He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he told me I talked like a deaf person
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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