he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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