we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
