i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
