Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When did we convert life to cartoon?
40s are totally the cure
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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