you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
