you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
